Just a Tralfamadorian Far From Home


Somewhat deep (relatively speaking) within the impossibly-too-huge-to-imagine Laniakea Supercluster lies an almost equally impossibly huge Supercluster (they're both really VERY super) called Virgo. Nestled in the heart of this Virgo Supercluster (not to be confused with the regular but still very huge Virgo cluster and the Virgo III group which is also impressively huge) is a group of galaxies (pretty much still way too huge to wrap your brain around) that unimaginative inhabitants within have named The Local Group. Most of those same inhabitants are also unable to comprehend the very super big hugeness of their poorly named smaller group of galaxies. 


Well, within this really, seriously, daftly named Local Group are three spiral galaxies. Spiral Galaxies are almost universally accepted as the sexiest of all the galaxy types, so most of what we concern ourselves with in ANY cluster but especially this Local Group is the goings on of these sexy sexy spiral galaxies. But let's be honest--what the average, above average, and even WAY above average lifeform understands about even one single ludicrously massive galaxy is closer to nil than even one-billionth of a percent; as if that lifeform could even imagine what a BILLION is. 


But try we must, for it is just outside one of these sexy spiral galaxies known by certain locals as The Milky Way (because apparently stars remind them of milk) that yet ANOTHER less sexy galaxy lies trapped in orbit around this lactose-themed collection of stars circling a black hole like drain. It is a small irregular galaxy spinning in tandem with a slightly larger and much more irregular galaxy in such a way that they are linked by a row of space dust and debris known to the Milky Way residents as The Stellar Bridge (even though it's not a lot of stars and even less a bridge), and to roll with their penchant for misnaming things that they can not understand these feeble-minded Milky Way denizens decided they should call this binary-ish galaxy system The Magellenic Clouds--Large and Small--despite not being Magellenic OR a cloud....but that's Science for ya. we're finally shrinking things down to a size that most monkey brains can feel confident about discussing, for within this small almost comprehendable only sort-of-sexy galaxy lies a single star system with regularish mostly inhabitable planets called The Tralfamadorian System. And on the sixth planet of this system known as (again the sheer lack of originality dazzles one) Tralfamadore Six lives The HeadEye. 


The HeadEye are a curious bunch. Their species is a bit of a humourless lot mainly due to the fact that long-ago they developed the ability to become "unstuck in time." Upon using this ability they were able to traverse all of time which isn't really a thing at all except a convenient illusion but that's not vital to our current story which is to explain that once you can see across what we'll call "time" and witness all that glory and agony including your own race's demise tends to make one a sober humourless dry witted malcontent.


Within this paradoxical absurdity of existence this particular species of Tralfamadorians found themselves re-finding meaning in intense observation and study of the minutiae of life and the exploration of unknown worlds and long lost emotions that their logistic-centered minds had filtered out eons ago. Some say this is what caused them to evolve the large single eye and antennae at the top of their body (a feature shared to some extent or another by all Tralfamadorians). Others say it was just a happy accident or cosmic giggle. 


There's one more peculiarity about the HeadEye (well, for accuracy's sake there are a LOT of peculiar things, but we'll get to all of that later I suppose): somewhere along the line these curious creatures grew really really bored of regular communication (including the psychic arts) and began using song and dance as their primary mode of conversation. A really proper "how do you do?" may very well evolve into a full blown operetta. 


OK, one more thing: you see, the HeadEye are what you might call a COLLECTIVE. They are not communal per se, but they--in short--believe in ONENESS and all HeadEye share in the success of all HeadEye. And so it was that One such HeadEye, known as HeadEye, for they are ALL named HeadEye, was sitting in his domicile with his companion Mermutt (a water-born Lupine species from the Sirius System) working on his latest masterpiece for the High Council, for his particular role in the HeadEye Collective was that of Grand Composer. 


This is where our story brings us current. The long-short of the situation is that there was a knock at the door which HeadEye tried valiantly to ignore, but the High HeadEye Council waits on no HeadEye. They were there to inform HeadEye that he was being recommissioned from composing the latest opera for the Ministry of Entertainment to be sent instead on a Scientific mission to the galactic habitable zone of the Milky Way's Inner Rim. There within the Orion Arm's Gould Belt lay a seemingly insignificant solar system that contained a fledgling humanoid species inhabiting a planet that the inhabitants had named Earth. 


While stationed on Earth, the HeadEye High Council explained, HeadEye would observe Earth culture--particularly their fascination and confusion with the emotion of LOVE, for you see the HeadEye had long abandoned such frivolous emotions in their pursuits of Science and Logic, and so LOVE was a thing of some great fascination to them--bored as they were as of late. And so posing as an Earth musician HeadEye would report his findings back to the council in the form of Earth music. 


And that brings us right here and right now to where you sit trying to process the sheer meaning of it all. Our advice is to not fret too terribly much about it; that would be a waste of already wasteful emotions. Just let the music explain it all to you. Listen to HeadEye's reports. Dance your concerns away. Join HeadEye on this Earth adventure through the many trials and lessons of love. Why wouldn’t ya?